And here we are…

“Yeah, you have ADD.” 

This is what I was told in a therapy session. I mean, it fits!

  • I can finish (some) things 
  • I have trouble starting things that require sustained effort
  • I cannot stick to one thing at a time
  • I’ve always put school projects off until the last minute. Even when I tried to plan them out, I’d chuck what I had and start over the night before the due date.
  • Caffeine helps settle me.

I mean, there are a bunch of other  indicators that hold more weight, but those are what stick out to me right now. These are some of my own telltale signs. Hell, I’m writing this a few hours after I finished a paper that was due 6 weeks ago.

SIX.

Seis, mi amigo. 

I have never been able to begin a project for school on time and/or do each required step when it was due. I’ve tried so many pre-planning approaches, but they never worked. I always found some way to distract myself. I’ve wondered just why I seem to work better this way. How come I can make a list of to-do items at work, but not at home? Then again, I can cross off 3 things and come up with 4 more to add to said list. I can spend more time making a list or drawing a monthly/weekly spread in my planner with at least 13 of my 30+ Stabilo 88 pens that I don’t realize I misused hours of time. Well, that’s not true. I realize it while I’m doing, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do what I need to do. 

I feel very seen when I’m in therapy.

So, at the end of the session, my therapist suggests that blogging about it might help. I screamed, literally, in agreement (“Keep your voice down!”) and knew that I’d be updating one of these blogs I started. I think I’m up to like 4 now, abandoned plans started in the hopes of finishing a NaNoWriMO, or beginning some pithy adventure that led me to be a live-tweeter for the culture until I messed up and tried to come for a beloved singer.

This will be for me to track my progress, my planning (y’all, I need ALL of the structure!), my rejoicing over improvements, and lessons learned through perceived setbacks. I don’t think anyone wants to read about what happens in my life on a daily basis. I actually need to just write what I’m thinking and put it out there. It’ll give me some release, and maybe it’ll help somebody else who’s being told to “just pray on it” when they really need some meds on it. 

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