You better recognize

“It is less a question of what you desire and more about you needing your desire to be recognized.” – Costar.

The quote above was the Costar message for today. I usually take whatever it is with a grain of salt, but this made me think about the things I’d like for people to recognize.

Things that I need for people to recognize:

  • Nonwhite women, especially Black women. Dassit. We need recognition. Hear us and heed our words. Don’t give us room to shine and be visible if you’re only going to disregard us in multiple ways anyway.
  • My bullshit detector is good, but I let people slide with the benefit of the doubt. That’s not going to keep happening at my expense.
  • White people can’t keep being president. Stop. Obama wasn’t perfect, but puh-lease stop letting white men fuck it up for the rest of us. Then again, some people only care when the shitmonster is in their neighborhood, creeping down their block, and peeping through windows to see if they’re home.
  • Words don’t mean much if your actions are continually “misstep, apologize, misstep, apologize, misstep, apologize”.
  • Nonwhite people always, always have more to lose than white people. This is especially for those who don’t fit any sort of “norm” in society.
  • You can have adult interactions and conversations without people losing their shit in your Instagram comments. If you have to close comments for any reason other than access to reliable phone service, then don’t post in the first place. Play chess for a minute and think about the steps ahead. Ask someone how it might look to them. Don’t post without running it by someone you trust to be open and honest with you. There is no reason that there should still be things said like, “I wasn’t aware” or “I didn’t know”. That’s harmful as fuck because it says that you didn’t think, or maybe even cared, how the audience would receive the message. If I post, it means that I will have access to my phone in the near future and can, at the very least, monitor what’s going on. I can check established knitters who come up in my posts talking spicy, and I can reply to those with whom I agree. It would be reckless to post and go away if I knew there was even a small chance that someone would be truly offended who did not deserve it. (If you caught feelings about something I said, then it’s likely that it hit a nerve in you for whatever reason.) Some of y’all know what my daily routine looks like, and you know that the circumstances only leave me with fewer fucks at the end of the day. There are others who are going through WAY more than I am. Everyone has a level and a threshold that is beyond what they can manage. However, if you can’t manage it, step away until you can manage it.
  • Calling in and calling out doesn’t harm unless you’re adamant on being a wild asshole. It might hurt, but that’s different than being harmed. If you’re hurt by someone’s words, imagine that they didn’t have to say anything and could’ve let you be ignorant and keep on being an asshole.
  • There can’t be open and honest conversation if everything can just be deleted. You can’t curate honesty.
  • The person whose post arguably kicked off this entire shift in craft diversity has been chillin’. She’s been reading, staying in her lane, and continuing to run her business without repeating insensitive actions. She, and others, have been learning and adjusting.
  • Black people don’t trust the police because if there’s misconduct, the cop is just put into schools where they can terrorize our children (see: Kaia Rolle). Look at that. An officer was deemed unfit for his normal duty, but it was alright to put him hin a school.Also, this one story is getting news, but please know that there are way more that you don’t hear about. Remember that when you want armed teachers in schools.
  • School police is a modern-day enslaved-person overseeing at this point. When kids are being body-slammed into desks and punched, how are they supposed to trust the people hurting them? Never mind. Nonwhite kids don’t matter since they’re seen as being 7-foot-tall, deviant. hulking monsters with unnatural sexual urges (which conveniently makes them responsible for any predators’ actions btw).
  • My low tolerance for people who don’t take initiative. I’m not spoon-feeding you things so that you can look competent when it was my work that got you where you are.
  • Saying that you have an “inner Black woman” is not a compliment. It’s usually something said for when someone feels “sassy”, loud, strong, etc. On a Black woman, those attributes are either comic relief or expressing violence.
    It’s not honest success if you had to use another person’s culture like a costume to get to where you are, only to put on the proximity-to-whiteness voice/appearance when you get money & contracts.
  • There is no secret Starbucks menu. I worked there. Don’t try to order from said menu. The baristas & shift leads don’t enjoy people trying it, no matter how hard they smile. They’re just trying to get through their micromanaged shift as best as they can for those health benefits.
  • Plain m&m’s are not real m&m’s.


  1. My field of fucks is becoming barren, tbh…

    And m&m’s cannot hold a candle to Reese’s. Or Milky Way Midnight, which apparently I’m the only one in this hemisphere who eats them anyway!


  2. “White people can’t keep being president.” This! Actually – how about White people stop thinking/doing/leading everything. My advice to myself and fellow white people… shut up and listen. Don’t say anything at all… no excuses, no “I’m sorry” platitudes… just listen and learn.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The country is, and has been, changing so much that having an old white guy in charge no longer reflects in a true way the makeup of the nation. It COULD be a white guy, but it doesn’t have to seemingly be the default anymore.

      Also, peanut m&m’s are gross?!? You leave right now.


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